Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. –Matthew 5:48
Definition: Perfectionism
The term “Perfectionist” is given to someone who is trying to become acceptable while simultaneously protecting himself from being a failure. The perfectionist has superhuman expectations for herself and those with whom she interacts. Friends are scarce because of such extremely high standards.
Perfectionists have a lot of pride and are constantly afraid of unsatisfactory performance. Understandably then, the perfectionist gives excessive attention to detail and feels a strong need to maintain control. These behaviors often serve as a defense against feelings of insecurity and guilt.
Description: Perfectionism & Pride
The Perfectionist’s manifest behavior proves the effects of hidden sin. Driven by a deep need for acceptance and admiration, he becomes an excellent performer. His work is superior, or her home is spotless. If he is the family breadwinner, he is “getting ahead in life”. If she keeps the home, her immaculate domain is her “contribution to an orderly society”.
Yet while usually highly respected and admired, perfectionists generally have few, if any, close friends. With such a dire need for acceptance, they are afraid to relax and be themselves. They perform like computers and often display comparable emotional warmth. They unwittingly isolate themselves from others because they must invest so much time and energy building up and preserving their self-esteem. This keeps them continually under pressure and robs them of fulfilling relationships with others. The proud person loses either way.
Direction: Perfectionism & The Way of Escape
The perfectionist’s primary goal is to protect herself from failure. The thought of failure is intolerable due to her low self-worth and resulting felt need to become acceptable. The perfectionist believes she is a failure because she fails. Therefore, she must come to see she is a failure, not because she fails, but that she is a failure because she was born a failure.
Understanding this dilemma, Jesus comes along and tries to make things worse by reinforcing the perfectionist’s greatest fear stating, “You are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matt. 5:48). Taken in context, Jesus was speaking to a large crowd in which many religious perfectionists were listening on, and He lays down a standard that is actually much, much higher than that of the best performing perfectionist. “For I tell you that unless your righteousness surpasses that of the Pharisees and the teachers of the law, you will certainly not enter the kingdom of heaven.” (Matt. 5:20) Preposterous!
Jesus was speaking these directly into a crowd of Jews who, at that time, were obligated to keep the entire Old Testament law, which included the 10 Commandments as well as 613 additional religious laws. And almost every law was aimed at the outward behavior of the Jewish people. Jesus knew that many in the crowd believed they were right with God because they did their best to obey and even brought animal sacrifices when they failed. So the purpose of His proclamation was to show that the type of perfection God requires doesn’t just apply to our behavior but penetrates to our thoughts, attitudes and motives, even to the core of our identity. Worse than that, it’s a pass/fail test. There’s no grading on a curve. Make one mistake and perfection is lost forever (Js. 2:10).
So, as explained throughout Jesus’ sermon in Matthew 5-7, in order to “be perfect” we must always love the people who hurt us, who take advantage of us, and even people who persecute us. Talk about feeling hopeless! We all fail miserably and have no hope of attaining perfection, even if we lived a thousand lifetimes. And ironically enough, Jesus’ whole point in Matthew 5-7 is to create that exact hopelessness, in order to reveal true hope—that there is one who can do for us that which we cannot do for ourselves. In other words, Jesus was “laying down the law” to prepare the Jews [and us today] to receive a Savior who can make us perfect, as our heavenly Father is perfect.
God’s remedy for the symptom called perfectionism is difficult because it requires the extremely prideful individual to admit they are a failure, in an of themselves, and to become willing to be the failure that she is. Jesus said, “Apart from me you can do nothing” [i.e. of eternal value] (John 15:5). But joined to him... by one offering He has perfected for all time those who are sanctified (Hebrews 10:14).
Jesus’ commandment to be perfect is impossible for everyone, so He does it for us. Jesus makes us perfect before God by His (#1) total forgiveness and (#2) giving us a new perfectly righteous identity—holy, acceptable and blameless before God. When you believe this truth, you walk in peace with God and rest in Him daily!
Do you struggle with perfectionism or wanting to be accepted? We’d love the opportunity to talk with you and walk with you on your journey!